Happy Birthday Mom!

Yesterday would have been my Moms 57th birthday. I miss her so much. Being pregnant without her around has been so hard. There are so many things I want to call and ask her advice on. When we found out the baby was a girl she was the only person who I really wanted to call. I know she would have been so happy that I will get to experience the same mother/daughter relationship we had from her point of view. We didn't always see eye to eye but she was always there for me, no matter what. I remember when I found out I was pregnant with River. I was scared. I was 21 and had just started back to college. Jon and I had only been together for a few months. We barely even knew each other. I remember wanting to wait to tell my Mom in person. I found out on a Monday evening and wasn't able to see her until Friday. We talked on the phone almost everyday and I cried every time I hung up the phone for that week. I felt like I was keeping the biggest secret from my best friend. I felt so guilty. Guilty I was pregnant, guilty because I knew this wasn't they way things were supposed to go, guilty I wasn't telling her. When I did tell her I knew she would be disappointed, but I also knew that she loved me and no matter what I did she would always support me. That is exactly what she did. She never lectured me on how I had made a huge mistake. She never said or showed she was upset or disappointed with me in any way. She never questioned my ability to be a good mother. She knew I was going to be a good mother. Why wouldn't I be? I had the very best role model right in front of me. She answered thousands of questions those 9 months. I was her baby, the last time she was pregnant was 21 years before yet she always tried her best to remember. She took me to every single doctors appointment. She was there when we found out we were having a boy. She was there when he was born. And then she loved him. She loved River so very much. I've never seen a grandparent love a grandchild like my Mother loved my son. He meant so much to her and that meant so much to me. River still talks about her and I hope that he always remembers how much she loved him. She didn't just love him, she loved everyone. That is the kind of person she was. She was loving and kind. She would do anything for anyone. I know she would be so happy right now, knowing she was going to have another grandchild. She would have been thrilled it was a girl. I hope that I can be half the mother she was. I hope that my children can love and respect and eventually be friends with me like I was with my Mom. I am blessed and so lucky she was with me for 25 years. 

K’Lynn